Happy New Year Funny Message for 2013

New Year's Wishes

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the I.R.S.
May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends. May you find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.
May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may the commercials on TV not be louder than the program you have been watching, and may your check book and your budget balance - and include generous amounts for charity.
May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent, your siblings; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and with the awareness of God's love in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile, every lover's kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart. 


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Stay Young, My Friend...

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Stay Young My Friend 
We all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part of who we are!
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1.Try everything twice.
On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:
 "Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!" 
2. Keep only cheerful friends.
 The grouches pull you down.(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)
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3. Keep learning:
 Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever... Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's! 
4. Enjoy the simple things.
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5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.
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6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive. 

7. Surround yourself with what you love:
whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.. Your home is your refuge. Description: [] 
8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
 If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips..
 Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is. 
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. 

I love you, my special friend!

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11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance..

And if you don't send this to at least 4 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. 
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Remember! Lost time can never be found.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
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Wine does not make you FAT .... it makes you LEAN .....(against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.)

 Life is like a quilt; it's what you make of it.
                                         -- Anonymous

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I don't know why I am sending this ... but knew there was something that I wanted to share...
what the heck ... I think this is it.... 

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Monkey Years

Click to Expand
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Knitting While Driving


A patrol officer noticed a speeding, red convertible on the road. He pulled up to the car and noticed that there was a elderly lady using her knees to hold the steering wheel while she was driving.  He saw she had two metal objects in her hands.
Quickly, he turned on his siren. He saw what she was doing with her hands: knitting.
“Pull over!” he announced on the loud speaker.
“No!” she screamed. “It’s a scarf!”

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Great Christmas Quiz and trivia

Tis the season to get a little rest

put away all the hustle and bustle of the holidays

and try a little Christmas test.

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Entertainment night at the senior citizens' centre.

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' centre.After the community sing song led by Alice at the piano it was time for the Star of the Show – Claude the Hypnotist! Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance."Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time," said Claude.The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain."I want you to keep your eyes on this watch," said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see."It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations."He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting:"Watch the watch … Watch the watch … Watch the watch."The audience became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and forth, the lights twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.And then, suddenly, the chain broke!The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact."Shit," exclaimed Claude.It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens' Centre and Claude was never invited to entertain again!

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The  computer swallowed grandma.
Yes,  honestly its true!
She  pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And  disappeared from view.

It  devoured her completely,
The  thought just makes me squirm.
She  must have caught a virus
 Or  been eaten by a worm.

I've  searched through the recycle bin
And  files of every kind;
I've  even used the Internet,
But  nothing did I find.

In  desperation, I asked Jeeves
My  searches to refine.
The  reply from him was negative,
Not  a thing was found 'online.'

So,  if inside your 'Inbox',
My  Grandma you should see,
Please  'Copy', 'Scan', and 'Paste' her,
And  send her back to me.

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Enjoyed this cute story about getting old!

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal pat down. I was looking for my keys.

They were not in my pockets.  A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.

My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. His theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered;(I always call him "honey" in times like these.)

"I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen." There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. "Are you kiddin' me", he barked, "I  dropped you off"!!!!!!!

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn't steal your car."

  Yep it's the golden years... 
Golden years!!!

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Hanging by my boob

While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, "Your Honor, I'm guilty but.....there were extenuating circumstances." 
The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances."
I did too soooo.. I listened as the lady told her story. 
"Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. 
I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda!  All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown.  Everything clear?"  
I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." 
Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.  With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, ‘Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?  Fine, I answered.   I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off?  My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravitywith my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass, when I heard and felt a zap!  Complete darkness, the power was off!   Belinda said, Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.  Then she headed for the door.
"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted. 
Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back." 
Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men extraordinaire" found me...half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!  After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubbaor possibly Earl, asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.  Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway."
"OK, you take care now" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin.  Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry!  The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."
The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said, "Case Dismissed".  

When you stop laughing, click on SHARE and let the rest of our "sisters" laugh.   

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Words Of Wisdom From the Aged

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less grey hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. 

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &
 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love..... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old. 

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. 

So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. 

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think.. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).


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National Anthems and Lyrics

Found a great site for National Anthems and Lyrics from around the world!


Best list of National Anthems and Lyrics
Very easy to download mp3 anthems

Some lyrics are quite strange!!!!


While imprisoned by French colonial forces, Algerian revolutionary Moufdi Zakaria wrote the words to what would become the country’s national anthem, “Qassaman (The Pledge),” in 1955. Legend has it that he penned them on the walls of his cell, using his own blood as ink. One thing’s for certain: Zakaria was clearly more than a little peeved about his incarceration. His lyrics seem to express more personal vendetta than national pride.
When we spoke, none listened to us,
So we have taken the noise of gunpowder as our rhythm
And the sound of machine guns as our melody…
O France, this is the day of reckoning!

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